I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize