Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
