so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
