I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
