I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Randomize
