He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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