I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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