Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
