do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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