You can't motorboat a personality
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
