Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
