I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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