2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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