You're my little dorito
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
