you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
