I'm really into asian looking animals
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
