i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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