i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
