2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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