I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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