i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
