I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
