in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
