yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just want nice things and good sex
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
