the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
