I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
