I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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