I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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