I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I could fuck to npr.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
