textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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