And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
A bitchslap is in order.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
