so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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