my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
