I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
