areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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