Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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