I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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