One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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