Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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