Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
