was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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