You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
And then the night went full on bisexual.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
