Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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