one two three fourrrrnication!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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