I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
