just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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