He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
