Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
