im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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