if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I need to stop coming to work sober
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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